well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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