i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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