I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i will never coherently bang her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
