the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
