Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
