If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
