Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
