you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
