Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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