The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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