Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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