you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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