i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
