There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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