mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
