She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
