I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer