I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
