How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
