During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
