Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
