Don't you send me to vm
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
