so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
