Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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