Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
