I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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