let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
