I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
