Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
