i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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