I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
