every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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