Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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