The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
