I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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