Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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