R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
