There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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