We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
