at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
