Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
