My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
