I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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