what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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