At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
