Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
