cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
