So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
