If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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