i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
