I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.