I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.