then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.