And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.