are you still at the devil's house?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
