He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
