last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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