I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
