i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
