im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just blew my weed a kiss
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
