lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
