Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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