I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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