so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
