who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
