while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
