I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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