omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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