he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
