im about as happy as oj after his trial
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
