You smell like stripper and shame
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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