I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
