Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
