i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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