I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
