if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do