well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
