girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
