In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
