Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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